9 Life Analogies I Drew from the Waves

diving-into-waves

9 Life Analogies I Drew from the Waves


July 27, 2021By Vin Agarwal25 Minutes

If we had to divide the world into two groups of people – mountain and beach, I’d opt for the mountain group in a heartbeat. But with the pandemic and all its tyranny, beggars can’t be choosers. So could you blame me for jumping at the chance of spending a month at the beaches in Goa?

I agreed to do this work-ation my partner’s way – spending entire days at the beach, swimming, thinking, writing, swimming some more and cooling off with beers.

If you’ve done sunrise to sunset at the beach, you’d know that it’s hard to not get all introspective and contemplative about life. At the beach, it’s philosophical-monologues-mode on!

A lot of our cud-chewing revolved around the vastness and infinite expanse of the ocean and our own humble insignificance in comparison.

But it was the waves that really struck me (quite literally too)!

The waves had a lot to say. Sometimes it was the gentle rhythm of the ebb and flow – with a calm and meditative mood. Sometimes it was the violent turbulence – fierce, inconsistent and merciless! And of course there was a spectrum of a thousand other variations between the two.

The waves carried with them so many life analogies that left me reeling with some really remarkable aha moments!

 

    1.   The real fun is being in the waves


Waves are awesome to watch and nobody would argue that for the life of them. But sitting on the sidelines, watching them rise and fall isn’t as fun as being
inside of them, being a part of them!

I would barely qualify as a pool-swimmer, so ocean swimming was out of the question for me. My limited beach experience before this trip had been about watching the waves from afar. At the very most, I had dipped my toes in the water, only literally.

I spent the first 3 days of my trip chilling on sunbeds, watching my partner enjoy the waves – ride them, swim through them, float in them and embrace them in every sense.

When FOMO became stronger than my fear of the waves, I decided to give it a chance. Apprehensively, holding my partner’s hand tight – very tight – I made it into the waves. Oh the satisfaction!

In the waves, you really feel the energy of the waves. You sway with the ocean’s mesmerizing rhythms.

Yes, watching the waves rise and fall from the beach is quite nice. So is living on the sidelines, sitting passively and letting life pass you by. That’s definitely one way to live it.

But what I think is actually fun is being in the waves, like being a part of life actively and living it with intention. There is nothing compared to the fulfilling feeling of being a tiny part of the massive expanse of the ocean! And I believe this is true of life too!

 

    2.   Knee-deep just isn’t enough!


Waves have their own way of filtering out the non-committers. If you’re
only ready to commit knee-deep, they’ll throw you out. And they won’t just throw you out simply, they’ll throw you out with a fierce and unforgiving vengeance!

Once I’d broken the ice with the waves, I decided to wade into the ocean on my own. But I was too afraid to go deeper. I thought it was safer to stay close to the shore, in the shallow waters.

But that’s also where the break-line is – where waves crash and lash out and exert their brutal force. At knee-deep the waves attack you, striking you with full force till you get out.

I was proud of myself for getting over my fears and entering the wave-territory but I just wasn’t having as much fun! It certainly wasn’t as fulfilling as my earlier experience was.

My partner urged me to come to him, a little deeper but I was scared. A little beyond waist-deep and my fears would take control. He held my hand and drew me in till I was chest-deep. Then… he just let go!

I was terrified but thankfully my head was above the water (well, mostly). The waves were a lot more inviting in the deep. No more scary lashes. Instead, they had a gentler energy. Occasional waves would submerge me leaving me a tad dislodged but I had begun enjoying them.

It always takes a lot more to commit chest-deep or even neck-deep to something. It’s nice to have a foot in the door so you can escape when it gets rough. But can you really experience anything for what it is without committing to it? I doubt it. 

At knee-deep, when you’re only half-committed, the urge is to get out. Everything looks and perhaps is scary and difficult because you’re in the turmoil zone! It only makes sense that you’re tempted to opt out at the first, second or fifth challenge. 

Chest-deep means more commitment. Yes, it’s scary to go that far out but it also comes with more rewards. Once you make it past the break-line, things are a lot smoother. While challenges don’t go away, because you start enjoying the rewards, it starts becoming worth it.

 

    3.   You don’t try to escape above the big waves, you face them head on

I was starting to get more comfortable being chest-deep. But the occasional big waves still terrified me. I jumped to escape above the smaller waves but with the big ones, my jump was just never big enough.

Some of the waves can indeed be harsh! Not knowing how to manage the giant waves, I attempted to jump. Trying to escape doesn’t just not work, it also means losing your footing and worst of all, putting yourself in a terrible position too!

I got caught in the wave, then whirlpooled over – once, twice, sometimes even thrice, and finally thrown out on the shore. If you’ve had the bad luck of experiencing this, you would know it’s anything but fun.

I was left with gruesome scratches. And being in the salt water isn’t exactly ‘satisfying’ after that.

One morning, I got thrown out four times in a row and I was done. I decided that life on the beach is a lot better and less scarring, literally, than being amongst the waves.

I watched my partner managing the waves ever so gracefully. It’s as if they listened to him. Or maybe he understood them. I was a touch jealous of how accepting they were of him while to me, they’d decided to show nothing but wrath.

When I got over my anger and hurt and abandonment issues with the waves, I noticed how my partner was doing it – how he was escaping the big waves. He wasn’t! On the contrary, he was simply diving into them!

My abstention lasted 3 whole days before I started craving being in the waves again. I went in with trepidation but perhaps I had a different strategy this time?

When the big wave came, I took a big breath, bowed my head and dove right into its belly. That was it, I had all my answers! All this time, I was jumping to the top where most of the force and energy of the wave is but the answer was so simple!

We’re always trying to run away from problems or get above them or avoid them altogether. Nobody likes confrontation and the first instinct is to escape.

But sometimes, when the problems get really big and beyond our control, fighting a lost battle or worse, trying to escape it isn’t the wisest idea. You will get pulled in, get whirlpooled around and thrown out with a scarring experience that’s definitely not worth it.

Sometimes, it’s best and wisest to simply face your problems head on. It takes some courage and a lot of humility. You will learn that sometimes, these big waves come with new opportunities and solutions too!

Take that deep breath, gather your strength and simply bow your head. Let the big wave engulf you. At its belly, the wave is a lot calmer. Then… it will simply pass. Every difficult period will eventually pass.

diving-into-waves
Art by Vin Agarwal

    4.   Sometimes, letting go and floating in the waves can be immensely satisfying

I was getting more comfortable managing the waves, even the bigger ones. Then, one day, when the ocean was calm, my partner suggested I do a dead-float on the waves!

Let go of my footing?? What if I got carried deeper? Of course this suggestion triggered my anxiety even though there was also that tinge of excitement.

I did it. I let go of my fears and footing and did the dead float. Oh what an exhilarating experience it was! Swaying with each movement, back and forth, back and forth with every wave. I’d become one with the rhythm of the waves. It was meditative and deeply satisfying.

I lay there with my back on the water, sun in my eyes, ecstatic, thinking about how amazing this whole experience was and how rewarding and calming the waves were, drawing my life metaphors from this experience…

When suddenly out of nowhere came a big wave that caught me off guard and threw me over! I guess that with the ocean and waves, there’s just no telling! 

Oh I’ve digressed! My point is…

Some of the best experiences in life come from taking that leap of faith, from letting go of your footing and simply going with the flow. 

Yes, it’s a little risky, you could get toppled over, you could get hurt and you probably will too. Some will say it’s not wise to allow yourself to be so vulnerable. Letting your guards down and loosening that foothold leaves you exposed.

But I believe it’s worth it at times. It shouldn’t be a blind leap – I wouldn’t venture out to float when the waters are choppy. But when you’re in good senses, when your instincts tell you everything’s good, perhaps that leap of faith could be the most rewarding experience of your life!

 

    5.   Some other times, it’s best to have a strong footing

While letting go is satisfying, I also realized that there were times when it was just better to stand strong and stay grounded.

There were occasions when there was a strong undercurrent. You cannot see it when you see the waves, but you can feel it when you’re in them. The undercurrent draws you in with a strong force and before you know it, it has pulled you further and further into the deep.

What’s worse is it makes swimming back harder. You could be flailing your arms, exuding all the force and skill to swim back, but if the current is strong, you’ll barely be able to counter its pull.

On some occasions, it’s best to keep your guard up, stay alert and have a strong, deep footing. Everything might look okay but you know it’s not when your senses warn you of the dangers that could drag you in. Be mindful of them, trust them.

Venturing out in the deep when you can feel the undercurrent is taking a blind and unnecessary risk. Some risks reap rewards but some risks are just not worth it.

 

    6.   With the right timing and positioning, riding the waves can be a lot of fun

Riding waves is my partner’s favorite ocean activity. It makes perfect sense for he’s an opportunist.

I did pick up a few good opportunities myself. The problem though was getting the timing right and positioning myself correctly. It’s a risk – if you do it right, it’s oh-so-rewarding and fun! Do it badly and there’s a good chance you’ll be thrown out on the shore.

Is it worth the risk? I believe so. At least a few opportunities are definitely worth going after, if you want to make the most of the waves!

It’s the same with opportunities in life, isn’t it? If you’re well-prepared, if you’re well-positioned and your timing is correct, you can make some big jumps to cease opportunities and make the most of them. 

This isn’t always the case though. The ride is fun sometimes. Sometimes, it just isn’t. Not all opportunities are equal and your timing and positioning can’t always be right. And that’s okay! Sometimes you will get washed to the shore and that’s okay too. It doesn’t mean you don’t try at all!

You can only ride a wave if you try to ride it.

 

    7.   There are days when the waves are just not inviting and it’s nothing personal

Towards the end of our trip, there were a couple of days when the ocean was deeply disturbed and the waves were raging violently and furiously throughout the day. Usually, such disturbances would last a few hours and we could get back into the ocean later. But on these two days, the waves were simply relentless.

I was discouraged. My partner tried to make his way in but he just couldn’t make it through the shifting break-line! The lifeguards were on high-alert. Red flags went up. Nobody was allowed to swim.

I was surprised at myself for feeling so disheartened at missing being amongst the waves. We were restricted to the shore and the sunbeds.

With more contemplation and cud-chewing, I got over my FOMO and started to acknowledge the fact that the ocean has its moods too. And really, it was nothing personal. It wasn’t my bad luck, my bad day, or the ocean mocking me or the gods being envious of my ocean-joys. It had nothing to do with me.

I was insignificant.

The realization of my insignificance was humbling and once humbled, I felt I had understood the ocean and its waves a little better.

I think about some of my friends who started up just before the pandemic. They had planned right, researched thoroughly, built the necessary skills, gathered the right resources and taken the right decisions. Then the pandemic broke out. Could they have predicted it? Could they blame themselves for taking the step?

Sometimes, life just doesn’t work out and it’s not because of our shortcomings, our poor decisions, our poor planning or our bad luck. Shit happens. It’s best to humbly acknowledge the truth of the situation and move on, gather the broken pieces and get ready for another chance.

 

    8.   Occasionally, the waves present beautiful surprises amidst them

It was the second of the two red-flag days at the beach. My partner and I were eating breakfast at the shacks, disappointed again at the missed opportunity to swim. The omelette was average, the day was sultry and our mood sulky. I dazed dreamily into the distance, staring away into the horizon.

Then suddenly, my partner startled me by getting up and pointing towards some movement in the distance. We stared hard for a minute… nothing. It was probably the waves breaking in the middle of the ocean, something that was common in those two days.

And there it was again. We looked harder, squinting our eyes until we didn’t have to anymore for then came the renowned parabolic motion – it was a dolphin! We were thrilled! Neither of us had ever seen dolphins and so randomly at that!

There were many more then. An entire pod of them- little dolphins playing with their mothers! We saw many jumps. The dolphins were having good fun, while we couldn’t believe our eyes!

We had been presented with, from amidst the waves, a beautiful surprise. Just when we least expected it, when we didn’t ask for it and perhaps when we needed it the most.

It was a reminder of how beautiful and rewarding the ocean is and how we have so much to be grateful for.

Gratitude is my favorite life lesson from the waves. If you keep your eyes and mind and heart open, you will be able to acknowledge the many unexpected, beautiful gifts it has to offer. 

Can anyone say they’ve never been pleasantly surprised by something life gave them? Making a friend in a completely unexpected situation, finding your life partner randomly through an app, getting a lucky break in your career or even something as small as discovering your favorite food by fluke! 

Life is mostly okay but sometimes it presents you with mind blowing serendipities, happy accidents and lucky coincidences. We should embrace them while being grateful for them.

 

    9.   The ocean and its waves are often unpredictable, even with your best understanding of them

This was perhaps my biggest takeaway being in and around the waves for a month…

There were days and times when the ocean swelled up and the waves were choppy and harsh, they were going through their own thing and we were just not welcome. Then there were also times when they were inviting and gentle.

How can you tell when to go in and when not to?

I believe your best bet is to use good sense, check with the experts (lifeguards, fishermen, shack owners) and most of all, to be mindful.

Life, like the ocean and its waves, has patterns and moods that are unpredictable. Just when you think you’ve begun to understand it, it will surprise you with its unpredictability. Nothing in life can be certain. Even the wisest will not always be right. All you can do is to be mindful, use your best judgment and try your best. The rest… it’s not in our hands.

And that’s not disheartening, it’s humbling.

 

To conclude…

One month of being with the waves was like living a lifetime filled with remarkable experiences and from these, I was lucky to be able to draw lessons for a lifetime.

I picked up a lot of ocean scars and they stung like hell but I’d rather be scarred than have never experienced the calm, the thrill, the warmth, the violence, the love and the unpredictability of the waves.

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5 Life Experiences That Taught Me How to Build Endurance


May 25, 2021By Vin Agarwal16 Minutes

Endurance is a virtue we often relate with soldiers of war and extreme conditions. For us desk-jobbers, ‘hard work’ and ‘perseverance’ are good enough qualities to aim for. We’re probably never going to be tested for our ‘will for survival’ or ‘indomitable spirit’, right? So why bother with endurance!

Actually, endurance is something we need in our daily lives too. In fact, we already have this quality in varying degrees and it’s put to test in several ways every day! Think about your fitness efforts, learning those new skills, pulling through those boring days at work, working on your habits, your persistent startup endeavors – they all need you to endure.

Yes, endurance is about survival but survival not just through extreme circumstances but also through pain, discomfort, repetition and routine, sometimes even boredom and seemingly infinite waiting to get to your goals. It is the ultimate patience you need to get through anything that tests your will.

Endurance is patience concentrated.

We live in an age where we want to see quick results. The quicker our efforts rewarded, the more motivating the task. Why do you think cleaning is so satisfying? Think about all those uneventful afternoons when simply cleaning your desktop off the mindlessly accumulated junk gave you a sense of achievement.

We’re seeking instant gratification. Social media has made us addicts for those quick little hits of dopamine. Instant results get us quickly motivated.

Sadly though, with most things in life, efforts reap slow rewards.

It’s like you’re painting a beautiful big picture and you’re standing up close, working on those intricate details, repeating every brush stroke, bearing through the pain of every movement and making it through the boring repetitions. You want to step away and see the progress. You want to feel satisfied by your efforts showing results.

But the work really happens up close and it’s nothing but endurance that can get you through it.

I’ve was extremely curious as a child, always wanting to try new things (as is the case with most children). I loved drawing. But I had a problem – I’d leave most of my work half-done. Each new drawing got me excited at the start. Half way through, my interest would dwindle down, my curiosity wear off and the process get boring. Very unsurprisingly, I’d quit.

Needless to say, my drawing skills lacked depth. I had nothing but half-done work to show for. It was annoying, frustrating and demotivating to say the least.

Do you feel that kind of helplessness sometimes? I know I do.

That’s where I believe we need endurance. Endurance helps us quit the quitting too easily. It helps us stay persistent and keep our efforts consistent, if not growing. Interest, curiosity and passion are quick to wear off. What keeps us going is a strong will that endures through the challenges big and small.

Those who endure, conquer.

But how? How do you endure to conquer? How do you not give up learning that new language half way? How do you make it through each of those 50 squats for days and weeks and months, consistently, to reach your fitness targets? How do you not resign when the first or third or tenth problem threatens your startup goals?

Life lessons that taught me to how to build endurance

1. Stippling

My first conscious understanding of building endurance came during the final, internship year of my architecture undergrad.

My mentor, Ar. Vastarey was an imposing, intimidating person. Don’t get me wrong, he was a gem of a person, but his ability to work through hours with intense focus – detailing every inch of his design meticulously, thinking through every design problem from multiple angles, thorough, undisturbed and relentless – was something completely foreign to me. It showed in his work and I was in complete awe! Actually, no, I was downright intimidated by him.

One day, he pulled out his college portfolio – this fat, big collection of drawings. Each drawing was so intricately hand-detailed, it blew my mind! He’d spent hours on hours for days, months, perhaps even years to hatch and stipple (hand rendering techniques in architecture drawing) every single detail!

My relatively unwise self exclaimed, ‘Wow! But why spend all that time and effort when it adds nothing to your design??’

He humbly replied, ‘Well, for me it was an exercise in building endurance. I then use that endurance in my work. You can try it too.’

Here was this man, successful architect, spilling the beans to his success and luckily for me, I was there to collect them. Did I sow those magic seeds of endurance?

endurance-stippling
Art by Vin Agarwal

2. Trekking

In one way, trekking is a lot like my abandoned drawing experience – it’s exciting standing at the foot of the mountain, looking up at the peak. A few hundred steps and it really starts to test my will! Every single time, it feels impossible. I just want to surrender.

Thankfully, with trekking I have little choice in comparison with my drawings which I can so willfully and easily abandon at the third, if not first urge to renounce. When 15 others are pushing through the pain, how can I not?

But it’s more than this (positive) peer-pressure! I’ve come to realize that with each trek, my renunciation-urge-bar becomes higher. This is because with each trek, my endurance builds and that in turn helps me build more endurance!

Trekking has taught me to trust in the process – the fact that each step is going to get me closer to that beautiful goal. It has taught me to live in the present – feeling and acknowledging every muscle tense and every joint ache. While trekking, just knowing in my heart-of-hearts that every excruciating step is with a purpose and is getting me closer to my goal – that helped build my endurance.

 

3. 10-day Vipassana Meditation camp

Of the many, many intense life lessons I learnt from this camp, endurance was clearly and surely one of the best. It was 10-day experience of living in my head without expressing my thoughts, feelings, emotions to the outside world! No phones, no books, no music, no exercise, no conversations, not even eye contact with another human. But that wasn’t the enduring bit.

Meditation was the hardest. Over 10 hours of meditation every single day! If you’ve ever been through such an intense meditation experience, you will agree that it can lead you through intense feelings of boredom, frustration, overthinking, emotions and also, a lot of physical pain!

Vipassana meditation is a lot of things but in one way, it is an exercise in becoming still. Still in every sense – physically and mentally. No movements, no thoughts, no feelings, no judgment, no mind-clouding. Only the clarity of self-awareness.

An oversimplification of the process is to focus your attention first, on your breath and then gradually, moving onto every single part of the body. When your mind wanders, when it is clouded with thoughts which brings in feelings, you simply and gently bring it back. Without judgment. You sit still through thoughts, watching them but not becoming attached to them.  You continue this process till you reach a heightened state of awareness and consciousness of the self and surroundings. There isn’t a limit here so you continue this back and forth infinitely till your mind becomes clearer and clearer and freer and freer from feelings.

Here’s my experience sitting through the long meditation sessions:

The back ached, buttocks became numb, legs tingled, itch bothered and the mind wandered – it wandered about ever-so-elusively! Just a second ago, I was focusing on the breath and now my awareness is deep below multiple layers of thought-clouds, so deep that I cannot remember where I got in!

But there were also those moments of crystal clarity. There were moments when I reached a stillness that’s hard to describe.

That was a goal so beautiful, so visceral and so indescribable, that it made all the enduring worth it. The back and forth through all the pain, discomfort and boredom, helped build an immense endurance that I’m sure has made me tough, resilient and tenacious. Practicing Vipassana meditation, still helps me further that endurance.

 

4. Strength training and endurance running

Building endurance is about strengthening will and toughening the mind. But there’s no better way to do this than through the process of building muscle strength and physical stamina. Rep after rep, step after step, you push your way through the monotony and pain to endure and, therefore, build endurance.

My first trainer was my doctor friend J who, I take the liberty to say, was a complete hard-ass. And that’s an understatement. From day 1 he got me to do 20 squats, 10 pushups, 20 lunges, 10 pull-ups, 10 dips, 3-minute-planks and, to finish off, a 3km run. To many this might be easy-peasy but for a complete noob, I was ready to die after the 7th squat! Any response to my ‘this-is-gonna-kill-me’ cries were met with ‘I’m a doc, Vin. I’ll be here to revive you when that happens.’ Could I argue with that?

It still kills me after a few squats and a couple of kilometers but I have learnt to endure over time. Set a goal and don’t stop till you get there – could there be a more systematic and universal way to build endurance!

Endurance workout is for everyone and you can be sure damn well, it’ll work for you too! Each time you raise the number of reps or the number of kilometers, you build mental toughness. Each time, you learn to endure a little more.

I’ve heard many people say ‘exercise is not for me’ or ‘I don’t need to workout, I’m fit and healthy already.’  Okay, you may not have physical fitness goals, but do it to build your mental toughness and endurance. You can then use this endurance in all aspects of your life!

 

5. Learning optimism, fighting depression and building a growth mindset

This has been my hardest and harshest lesson in building endurance. Endurance has always been about building mental strength and grit, but building endurance through a mental health exercise? Hmmm… One has got to get something out that!

I had a difficult upbringing and a disturbed adolescence. Unconsciously, I’d built several bad mental habits and thought patterns with the harshest pessimism that made it close to impossible for me to think positively. My fixed mindset stunted my growth. It made me depressed. I lacked self-confidence.

Changing mental habits is the most difficult. Goals aren’t as clear and visible as the peak of that mountain. Emotional pain is harder to heal from than any muscle soreness. Slipping back to old thought patterns is harder to control than the wandering mind. Working through it all is agonizing and frustrating in the least.

But even with the long, slow, arduous journey, I have come around to see some sunshine in my mind. I have learnt optimism (did you know you could?). I think about growth more and ‘ambition’ is now a word in my dictionary. In this entire process, my mind has endured and that has taught it build more endurance!

That’s the awesome thing about building endurance, it simply grows with every enduring experience. It makes you tougher and more ready to fight the next challenge. It helps you not just survive, but also to adapt and thrive!

I will leave you to think about these lessons in building endurance with a mildly disgusting metaphor – building endurance is like building your ‘cockroach skills’ (term coining courtesy: my best friend, Shalini) to survive and thrive through anything at all!